I smell stomach acid.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
even my farts smell like vagina
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
