Pants 0. Shit 1.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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