It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize