I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
