You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
