when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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