Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
