And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize