i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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