omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
