hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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