I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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