Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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