did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize