The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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