I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
