It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
what day is it and did you see me today?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Randomize
