I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
