you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
