she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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