the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
