I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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