Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
