ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
