it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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