It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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