Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
