Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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