I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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