"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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