her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize