I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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