You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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