i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i drank out of a bidet.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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