you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
