you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
