so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
