i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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