I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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