Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
