i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
