A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
