i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
