Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
