the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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