True but thats because hes a fetus.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
