Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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