my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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