I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
