If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
