Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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