life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
