dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
