In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
