the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
