I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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