she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
