I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dear god my vagina.
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