our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
