okay pat passed out under dana's car
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I lost the right to judge tonight
Floor bacon is actually really good
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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