I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
