last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he fucked my hip out of place.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
