Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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