So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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