I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
