I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
