I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
