I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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