Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
