I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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