i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
