the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
