Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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