You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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