after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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