i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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