Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
