I didn't shave. On purpose
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
