So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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